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Joke of the Day

"I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer but no one will do it."

"Man gets arrested by female police officer A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, ""Anything you say can and will be held against you."" The man replies, ""Boobs!"""

"Why did Ray Bradbury use heated lube? It was a pleasure to burn."

"The amount of time you spend cleaning your house before a friend comes over is inversely proportional to the quality of that friendship."

"Why are they called hemorrhoids? Because asteroids was already taken."

"*helping son with math problem* [hour later] JUST WRITE 75 GODDAMMIT!"

"If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's don't trust athletes with missing body parts"

"Girl called me the other day and said: 'Come on over, nobody's home' I went over, nobody was home."

"*Picks up extra virgin olive oil. *smirks* ""Not for long my friend. Not for long."""

"What did the cook say to his wife? I'm cumin!"