198853

Joke of the Day

"Worst Joke Ever Two whales are sitting in a bar and one whale says ""eeeyyoooo eeeeyyy yyeeooo oooyyy ooeeeee"" and the other whale says ""Shut up Steve, you're drunk."""

"I got a 2nd job..It's not official..I dress like a host at T.G.I.Fridays, then I pick up credit cards & say ""Be right back""..I don't go back"

"I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time."

"among countless other horrible crimes the KKK also ruined the badass title of ""Grand Wizard"" for every other organization forever"

"I didn't sleep at all last night I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went... and then it dawned on me."

"I make fun of people Instagramming their food, but I forget that, during the Renaissance, lots of artists were just painting bowls of fruit."

"I accidentally fell off a 50-foot ladder but good thing I was only on the 3rd step"

"Wanna hear my favorite 4/20 joke? Heh... what?"

"Respond to every ""How was your weekend?"" today by staring off into the distance & whispering ""So much blood..."""

"Padme: Dating is scaring. I just want to find a nice guy who's not going to murder me. Anakin: You've chosen wisely."