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Joke of the Day

"Respond to every ""How was your weekend?"" today by staring off into the distance & whispering ""So much blood..."""

"Why did the White Man go to the Moon? He wanted more land. -Heard this from a native friend of mine. I laughed my ass off."

"If you visit the president of Russia..... ......be sure to Putin a good word for me."

"I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long."

"Some random guy on the street turned me into a bottle of tequila which rather annoyed me. I hate when people Patronize me"

"My neighbor and I accidentally made eye contact today when she caught me making a sandwich in her kitchen"

"I love Easter. My unborn children get to play find the egg tonight."

"Dark humor is like a terrorist attack... the timing needs to be just right."

"saw a chameleon today So it's safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon"

"Jurassic Park I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, ""not only does my son have a stupid name, but hes also a shit driver"""