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Joke of the Day

"I got a 2nd job..It's not official..I dress like a host at T.G.I.Fridays, then I pick up credit cards & say ""Be right back""..I don't go back"

"If I had a dollar for every time I've used algebra in my life I'd have *n* dollars"

"Me: what make of dog is that? Her: breed Me [hands on knees]: I am, I'm just out of breath cos I ran over to ask what make of dog that is"

"I can't believe how many people don't know the opposites of these words - always - coming - from - take - me - down"

"Why should you always take two Mormon's fishing? Cause if you take one, he'll drink all your beer"

"Some coworkers sign emails with ""cheers"" or ""sincerely"" followed by their names but I typically use ""you've made a powerful enemy today."""

"Knock Knock... Knock Knock. Who's there? Statue. Statue who? STATUE KNOCKIN' ON MY DOOR? Thank you."

"Not everyone can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut... But then again, not everyone cuts their own hair."

"What do you call an anthropomorphic car that's attracted to itself? Autosexual."

"Why are hurricanes named after women? Because they come wet and wild and they leave with your house and your car"