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Joke of the Day

"I got a 2nd job..It's not official..I dress like a host at T.G.I.Fridays, then I pick up credit cards & say ""Be right back""..I don't go back"

"Original plans for Mt Rushmore had the mouths carved open so they would scream out bats at the setting sun then eat them again at dawn."

"Why is oral sex with your wife like being interviewed by the police? One slip of the tongue and your in the shit."

"Ever just read somebody's post and think.... what th H is this person talking about? they never seem to make any sense."

"I wish young people would stop idealising future dystopias and start enjoying the one they're in."

"This orange does not taste right... I think I'm gonna put it back in the crayon box."

"""You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you're at the gym when really you're out shopping"" is the title of my autobiography."

"Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course."

"What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a girl. The knife has a point"

"How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a hardware problem."