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Joke of the Day

"Dirty joke What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick."

"I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - ""open bar"""

"""POLICE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP."" Show me a badge. *cop gets badge out* I didn't say Simon Says. ""Let's go home guys. Sorry, my fault."""

"MORON Q: Why did the moron throw the butter out the window? A: He wanted to see a butterfly."

"I leave my vacuum in the middle of the floor at all times so when I have unexpected company I can say I was just about to clean my house."

"Pizza places, we don't want cheesy bread. Pizza is cheesy bread."

"I donate blood 5 times a year just so I'm less and less related to some of my relatives."

"People who take tons of photos of themselves Have no selfie control"

"As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers.... I muttered under my breath, ""Fat fucking cows."" ""What was that?"" snapped my wife. ""You herd."""

"Remembering idioms is easy It's not rocket fuel"