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Joke of the Day

"There's no way I'm the only person who thinks Kristen Stewart is doing the world's best Garfield impression."

"What sound does a Chinese doorbell make? Ching Chong"

"My wife wants to have a kid... I bought her a goldfish and told her to wait a few million years."

"Did you hear about the constipated math teacher's problem? She worked it out with a #2 pencil."

"I can't believe how different life was before *googles* Al Gore invented the Internet"

"Why couldn't the BMW fit into a narrow parking stall at Target? because it was being driven by a woman"

"Why did the duck go into Rehab? Because he was a quack head"

"What is the best thing about kids? Making them!"

"Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a magic spell' that would supposedly make women want to have sex with me. Worked like a fucking charm."

"How do you get a drummer off of your porch? pay for the pizza."