19694

Joke of the Day

"I went to a massage parlor today... When it was time for the happy ending, I finished in 20 seconds. The massause said I need to come more often."

"Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's."

"*goes to grocery store *puts ""gently used"" sticker on all their cucumbers"

"Your pants are so tight... ...you can't even get a leg up on the situation!"

"You know your old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!"

"What did Obama say when he proposed to Michelle? I don't wanna be Obama self"

"When I was little I didn't mind my mom feeding me, the only food I refused to allow her to feed me was Alpha-Bits... I just didn't want anyone putting words in my mouth..."

"What's it called when a priest is always late? Collared people's time"

"[Installing ceiling fan] Me: drill...screwdriver... tape...there finished! Wife on the phone: Is this Bob's fix-it shop? Yeah, he just got done."

"Chem students do it on the table periodically."