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Joke of the Day

"Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's."

"What do you call a fat person with hemophilia? Diableedes"

"Whats the difference between an environmentalist and a dog sitting in the rain? eventually the dog sitting in the rain will stop whinging."

"We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year. We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land."

"Im sat here looking at my glass half empty..... Everyone is telling me that I should look at my glass half full, but i just want to know, WHO THE FUCK DRANK MY DRINK"

"What do you call a Mexican that can't cross the border? A Mexi*can't*"

"What are the three worst words to hear while having sex? Honey, I'm home!"

"There's two things I hate. Hypocrisy and condescension. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Oh man, I think I took a wrong turn somewhere. Looks like I'm gonna have to backtrack 25 years."

"Just bought gas for $1.32/gallon. Don't own a car but couldn't pass up the bargain."