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Joke of the Day

"""I ate pizza twice today!"" - Cuba Gooding, Jr. (I mean, why not? Can you prove he didn't say this? Fuck you.)"

"""That 'Hanglider' bird is a tough sonofabitch..."" ""... I had to shoot it 5 times before he let the man go"""

"Sure laying me down on a ""Bed of Roses"" sounds all romantic and shit, but I much rather lay on a bed of fries and onion rings."

"Got my left hand an awesome Valentines card and vibrating glove."

"Your mama's so fat We are all genuinely concerned about her health."

"is there a sadder metaphor of ur adulthood destroying ur childhood than the fact that to get to work evryday u hav to burn up dead dinosaurs"

"What's the best way to get a foreign dog to behave? A treaty."

"What kind of phone does Hades use half the year for making booty calls? The Perse-phone."

"Terrorist Jokes. They'll make you explode with laughter."

"I'm quitting drinking for good. Now I drink for evil."