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Joke of the Day

"A guy laughed at me because I only have a 19"" TV. I suggested we not laugh about how many inches things are. That shut him up."

"Old Finnish Saying Do you know what's wrong with a Russian ass buzzer? It doesn't fit in your ass and it doesn't buzz."

"I recently learned my friend likes to be dominated by his girlfriend in bed. I wouldn't have pegged him for that."

"Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers. This is why i can not watch Breaking Bad."

"When is my wifes favorite day for sex? Tomorrow"

"I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBOR ONCE AGAIN!!! She said she could see me masturbating through the window.. I told her if she would buy some blinds, I wouldn't be standing outside her window."

"Life Goals Me at 14 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex Me at 34 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex"

"What are the other letters of the alphabet? Nazis."

"Can somebody please find Ja Rule? I need help in making sense of just what happened"

"What do marriage and hurricanes have in common? They both start with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your fucking house! thanks @Canadianmomma"