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Joke of the Day

"I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBOR ONCE AGAIN!!! She said she could see me masturbating through the window.. I told her if she would buy some blinds, I wouldn't be standing outside her window."

"Basically if your movie trailer features a close-up of a glass of rippling water I'm assuming that your movie will have dinosaurs."

"I hate when someone wants to have sex with me for superficial reasons before they even know how funny."

"So sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we're still in the top 10."

"If you ever get cold, just go hang out in a corner... They are usually 90 degrees."

"A dyslexic guy walks into a bar... And the woman says, ""Excuse me! What do you think you're doing?!"""

"What's the difference between mathematicians and Syrian refugees? Mathematicians don't struggle with integration."

"Whats the difference between white people and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop its own cultures without having to resort to stealing others."

"I assume the #1 reason people change their identity is b/c they answered ""You too"" when the barista said ""Enjoy your bagel."""

"What sound does an Italian make when you shoot him? Wop"