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Joke of the Day

"Yes you impress me but so does a new set of windshield wipers."

"An invisible man attacked me while he was masturbating. He came out of nowhere."

"I'm reading this amazing novel called ""Dictionary"", I'm only halfway through but I'm pretty sure the Zebra did it...."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate pizza before it was cool."

"Q: Why was the young bear so spoiled? A: Because his mother ""panda'd"" to his every whim!"

"Legally, you don't actually have to ever stop screaming."

"At first I couldn't get used to all the plants in my living room... But I think I started growing into it."

"How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk."

"How did the tiger escape from the zoo without being spotted? Tigers have stripes."

"I would pay double my Netflix subscription if Stranger Things Season 2 brought back Barb from a parallel universe who then confesses her love for Nancy. You? What would you do for a clone dyke Barb?"