197514

Joke of the Day

"I would pay double my Netflix subscription if Stranger Things Season 2 brought back Barb from a parallel universe who then confesses her love for Nancy. You? What would you do for a clone dyke Barb?"

"People are like trees: you can figure out their age by cutting into them & counting the rings. Right? I didn't do this for nothing, right?"

"Me: what are we doing today Trainer: let work on your forearms. Me: but I only have 2 T: What?!? Me: *whispers* I only have 2?"

"It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn't just in his parents basement on acid the whole time"

"When someone says something is great, I take that as a personal challenge to not enjoy it."

"How do dogs do business? Pro-bono"

"Not a racing fan at all but 3 simple words would have me practically living at the dog track: little monkey jockeys"

"What do Africans say when they hear something funny? That's fucking malarious"

"An Korean sees a gay Yu-Gi-Oh player And says "" you.... Gay ... Oh!"""

"It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I'm trying to do that & you're lowering my chances."