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Joke of the Day

"An invisible man attacked me while he was masturbating. He came out of nowhere."

"Why didn't the stick of butter confess his feelings? Because somethings are butter left unsaid."

"Settle down, Levi's commercial. You are talking about pants."

"Why couldn't the Great Ape tell a story? Because he doesn't have a tail."

"My favorite thing to do at the library is leave browser tabs open with search results for ""best way to clean vomit off a keyboard??"""

"I'm 5'3. I may be short but I have a HUGE personality....disorder."

"Q: What do you have with Dick Cheney, Dick Morris, and Dick Nixon in the same room? NSFW A: Way too much cock and bull."

"Why do all black people have nightmares? Because the one that had a dream got shot."

"I can't RSVP until I know the wifi situation at your event."

"The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low."