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Joke of the Day

"Q: What kind of guitar did the pool player own? A: A-cue-stick."

"I went to the zoo today but when I arrived, there was only a dog there It was a shitzu"

"[first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally"

"I'd say popping your trunk to release 10,000 butterflies is the most magical way to elude the cops."

"I don't see what's wrong with gay marriage It eliminates the worst part of a relationship"

"your honor, i nominate the real murderer for the ice bucket challenge!! [a guy stands up] nice"

"What do you call a chubby girl who's cranky, has bad breath and doesn't screw? You don't call her."

"Why do you always see beggars at protests? They're always looking for some sort of change!"

"Why is Santa's sack so large? He only comes once a year."

"What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green."