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Joke of the Day

"I'd say popping your trunk to release 10,000 butterflies is the most magical way to elude the cops."

"If you buy a house off Craig's List, it comes with a free serial killer."

"Going to youtube with your VPN set to Germany on :/"

"Why do parents feel the need to hold your phone when you show them a picture?"

"I just joined Twitter; it's really easy to follow people. Too bad it cuts into my exercise."

"A guy walked into a bar... And said, ""Ouch!"" Sorry. It had to be done."

"I can only say nine English words. Well, shit."

"Little known fact Delicacy is French for ""I dare you to eat this""."

"Carrying a warm burrito in the big front pocket of my sweatshirt is the closest I'll ever come to understanding motherhood."

"Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere!"