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Joke of the Day

"Just went to the dentist. He's a pretty average, normal guy so I assume he'd be one of the four out of five."

"My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs.. I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber."

"I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie and he said we could discuss it tonight in a ""National Town Meeting."""

"[showing people around museum] and if u look to ur left you'll see a bunch of uppity people who get reaaal weird when you lick the paintings"

"Why doesn't Japan have elections? I dunno but it's probably the reason for their low birth rates."

"How do you feel about tapes and cds? Well you're gonna love it when I tape my dick to your forehead so you can see dees nuts on your face."

"Is it ok if i touch the paintings i have poor eyesight. also i have to have BBQ sauce on my hands because of religion"

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2 and I have no idea how they got in there!"

"A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play? Fortunes."

"If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone. Not the money, just going to let you know that I've won."