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Joke of the Day

"WISE MAN #1: I brought gold for the babe WISE MAN #2: frankincense WISE MAN #3: myrrh ME: *pulls out Chili's gift card* I hate you guys"

"Hey guys Someone needs to wake up green day."

"Where do Star Trek fans work out? At the He's Dead Gym."

"Do you know the difference between a cheeseburger and a blowjob? Come on. Lets go to lunch. My treat."

"Why were the burgers in the refrigerator embarrassed? They saw the salad dressing!"

"what did the atheist say to the agnostic Pussy"

"why Palestinians have the fastest computers? coz they have RAM-allah"

"Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no"

"I'd like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire."

"*on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?"