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Joke of the Day

"Why was the Nun admitted to rehab.... Because she had a habit! I'll just show myself out"

"Never trust a fart... You never know what kind of shit your asshole is up to."

"What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant praying mantis."

"'Five dollars for one question!' said the girl to the fortune-teller. 'That's very expensiveisn't it ?' 'Next!'"

"What did the hero say during the September 11 attacks? ""Allah akbar!"""

"Sometimes I like to sit on the floor, bring my knees up to my chest and then lean forward. But that's just how I roll."

"You're a big fat liar! And I don't believe anything you say! See if I get naked for you again!! -Me to my scale as I step off of it"

"A marching band passed by this morning, shouting ""Make America Great Again!"" Must be some Donald Trumpeters."

"Every yo-yo trick should be called ""no friends."""

"Sorry, there's a technical problem preventing me from RTing your tweets. Technically they're not funny."