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Joke of the Day

"German Did you hear about the new German microwave oven? It seats 25."

"There's a crying baby on my bus and I'm all ""shut up baby, you're not the one going to work."""

"I've got a long history of suicide in my family; the good news is it skips a generation... so if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves."

"I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn't say whether it's a boy or girl. So I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt."

"What's the difference between a black person and a bicycle tire? The bicycle tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it."

"Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?"

"Think about how much women could accomplish if they didn't spend half the day taking pictures of themselves in bathroom mirrors."

"2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don't lick the dog. 2: He licked me first."

"[birdwatching] Ah, let us behold the majesty of the Bald eagle. And let us acknowledge the social awkwardness of the Combover eagle."

"At Starbucks I order under the name Godot. Then leave."