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Joke of the Day

"Why Twitter deleted so many terrorist accounts recently? Otherwise they'd kill all the 140 characters."

"NSFW: Sperm 1: God I'm getting tired! How long 'til we reach the fallopian tubes? Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils."

"Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about."

"Two crows walk into a bar. Before they can order their first drink, they get arrested for attempted murder."

"I dated a guy who always kneeled and prayed before sex. I still don't know if he was scared of what I'd do or thankful. Either way, amen."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care."

"Legends don't die... I am a living example!"

"Where's the best place to apologise to someone? Surrey."

"I'm not an expert on masturbating But I hold my own"

"I noticed that you're still staring at me after I already answered your question, what can we do to stop this"