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Joke of the Day

"You can get a tiny tablecloth for a DOLLHOUSE from Pottery Barn for $18.99, or I could just come over and punch you in the face for free?"

"If the fate of the world ever depended on me opening a new plastic grocery or produce bag in under a minute, we'd all be dead."

"What do you call an African Bukkake? Chocolate frosting"

"A cop pulls an illegal immigrant over near the US-Mexico border and asks ""Papers?"" The immigrant responds ""Scissors"" and drives away"

"Maintaining an erection: It's never been my strong point."

"Things I've learned on Twitter: 1. A Twitter Crush is not a soft drink 2. Naps rule 3. Pants are optional 4. Everybody hates Nickelback"

"what is the key to picking up girls who are musicians? get a flat and be sharp"

"What do you get when you mix an owl with a rooster? A cock who stays up all night."

"A woman walks into a bar Oh, I just wanted to say ""a woman walks into a bar"" because the jokes always start with ""a man walks into a bar""."

"Did you hear the one about Phillip Hughes? He was the first Australian to die of a bowler."