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Joke of the Day
"A man walks into a bar His alcoholism is tearing his family apart"
Next Joke
"My girlfriend's angry because I got drunk and did a shit on the roof. Please tell me, how can I wipe the slate clean?"
"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"" [ c/o /u/jubileo5 ]"
"Have the day off when the SO comes home, ""Have you been on reddit all day!?"" Look at the clock, ""Not yet."""
"Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service."
"Based on her color and size Snookie would make a great buoy."
"I have a pet tree... It's just like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter."
"Best joke ever? my life"
"What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self? A Cellfie"
"""Remember that man you met for 5 seconds when you were 2 months old? Let me catch you up on his medical history"" -my relatives"