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Joke of the Day

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"" [ c/o /u/jubileo5 ]"

"Sorry to interrupt, but the personal story you're in the middle of telling reminds me of how much I love attention."

"What's the similarity between designer jeans and cheaply made castles? No ballroom"

"What does Godzilla do part time when he's not destroying cities? He flips houses"

"Why are camels considered the ships of the desert? They are full of arab semen."

"What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon ? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !"

"Did you hear about the guy from Parks & Rec who crashed his plane? It was comic Aziz."

"Twitter was down for a couple of hours but I didn't panic at all. I dialed 911 and calmly told them ""people are about to die"". Then Hung up."

"A Linux Joke In computing, what's the only way to generate a truly random string? Put a Windows user in front of VI and tell him to quit."

"A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, ""Why what's wrong with you?"" He replies, ""its my eyes boss... I just can't see my ass coming in to work today."""