167308

Joke of the Day

"Best joke ever? my life"

"Why was the doctor in a hurry to move to the big city? He was running out of patients."

"My husband's doing that cute thing again where he thinks he's right. *throws his shit out on the lawn* *makes a bonfire*"

"What do you call a politician in a house fire? Burning Sanders!"

"I went to get a physical the other day... And the doctor told me that I had to stop masturbating. Shocked, I asked him ""why?"" He said I had to stop because he was giving me a physical."

"An orchestra concert is no place for a child. Sometimes there's intense violins"

"How to tell if someone is pedantic Say, ""Hey, you're being pretty pendantic."" If they respond with this, they're pedantic: ""No, I'm *pe*dantic, not *pen*dantic."""

"What is a stalkers favorite part of a hospital? the I see you."

"Good Cop: We want to help you. Just tell us who was with you on the night of August the 15th. Bae Cop: My parents aren't home. Come over."

"Bob the Builder sacked! The BBC have announced that Bob The Builder has been sacked.. They say they can no longer trust any children's Tv star who claims to be able to fix it!!"