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Joke of the Day

"Wife: The kids opened the ""private"" drawer in my nightstand. Me: THE drawer? Wife: Yeah. Great. There go our Oreos."

"LIKE if you remember this: The walk of shame when you have to put something back in a store after your mom says no."

"What do you call a Jewish New Zealander? Hebrew"

"I started microfinancing my money to get better savings. It just made a lot of cents to me."

"One day, the fridge will take revenge on me, every half hour opening the door to my room, staring at me for a few minutes & then walk away."

"Why don't ghosts play sports? Boo!"

"Canadian Army training is 6 weeks of learning how to throw a snowball."

"Two old men sitting on a porch... There is a dog licking himself in the front yard. One old man says to the other, ""Man, I wish I could do that."" The other replies, ""That dog would bite you."""

"Q: Why did the New Yorker sleep under an oil tank? A: He wanted to wake up oily."

"What do you get if you mix up together an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? A guy who is up all night wondering if there is a dog."