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Joke of the Day

"The Fat Girl's Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse: If you see me running & there's no ice cream truck in front of me..you should run too."

"Everybody is tweeting ""OMG I CANT BELIEVE ITS MARCH"", I'm like tf' you you think came after February ? February Jr.?"

"They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me."

"What is Reagan's favorite vegetable? Jim Brady"

"Me: Can I have a quickie? Waitress: Sir, it's pronounced ""quiche""."

"A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office... Wearing nothing but seran wrap. The doctor looked at the man and replied, ""I can clearly see you're nuts."""

"You guys, my mom wants to know if any of you are going to give her grandchildren."

"Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married."

"What do you call someone with lots of imaginary friends? Schizofriendic"

"I survived Sharknado, but my friends didn't... ... I miss those chums"