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Joke of the Day

"How dare you accept my apology, I wasn't really apologizing, that was a trick to get you to say that nothing was my fault"

"When Chuck Norris is pulled over, cops show him their IDs"

"I spilled coffee all over my Macbook... ...now it won't go to sleep."

"What's the worst thing about being an atheist? You have no one to call to when you're having an orgasm."

"Sometimes I accidentally make eye contact with someone and it's like ""well I better just go with it"" and I begin sprinting at them"

"Where do you see yourself in 10 years? In a mirror."

"Cleanliness is next to godliness in a dictionary missing some stuff."

"On page 24 of the world record book I'm listed as the men with the longest penis. At page 69 I'm listed as world's best liar."

"One problem I had with Catholicism as a child was... all the sexy priests."

"What's your stance on public intoxication? Mine is very wobbly."