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Joke of the Day

"On page 24 of the world record book I'm listed as the men with the longest penis. At page 69 I'm listed as world's best liar."

"What's the difference between an egg and a root? You can beat an egg, but you can't beet a root!"

"Doc, I can't stop singing... ""Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'."" He said: ""That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."" ""Is it common?"" I asked. He replied, ""It's not unusual."""

"What's the longest word in the world? Marriage. Because it's not just a word, it's a fuckin' sentence."

"Asked my toddler if she'd work on being more careful when eating in her car seat. Her response was an immediate ""No."" At least she's honest."

"I went to the gym today. Just kidding, I walked down the block and yelled at the neighbor kids for screaming while I'm trying to nap."

"When you are drinking with your sister you can make a bunch of really stupid mistakes... if you don't pull out."

"Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? There were so many Knights"

"What do you call a humpless camel covered in plastic? Llamanated"

"I broke my finger today... but on the other hand..I'm completely fine!"