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Joke of the Day

"""Try to score a goal. Don't use your hands. See you afterwards."" - Soccer coaches"

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile (Im going to fucking hell. I shouldnt have laughed at this so hard.)"

"I'm so introverted I won't even talk to myself."

"Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn't kill the dinosaurs. I've been to the museum. It's obvious they starved to death."

"Everything happens for a reason; unfortunately, sometimes the reason is you."

"What does a girl do to her as asshole before having the most crazy sex of her life? She leaves him at home"

"[leaving HS reunion w/ date] Aren't you going to ask why everybody was calling me 'smelly boy' tonight? ""Seemed pretty clear I thought"""

"How is being a Jew like eating a burrito? It's really not a problem until they give you gas."

"*amasses epic army of stoners but we do nothing because epic army of stoners*"

"Thank you for explaining the word ""many"" to me. It means a lot."