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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend: hey babe you wanna get breakfast and go for a run? (Cut to me with a mouth full of Doritos) Me: I have shin splints"

"What did the Italian diver say when he saw an eel? That's a moray!"

"Eomer gets off of his horse and says, ""What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?"" A nearby horseman answers, ""Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"""

"There are only 10 types of people in the world... Those who understand ternary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary."

"The comeback, 'Get on my level' 'Get on my level' Reply: 'Okay dude, ill go downwards'"

"dear yahoo answers, i have a life question and i would like some bad advice and a link to a blog"

"What's blue, standing in the kitchen? STFU, I can paint my wife any colour I want!"

"Some people get their friends to do their bidding by offering favors or compensation. I just threaten to throw their iPhones in the toilet."

"I recently saw The VVitch and it was a very eye opening experience I had no idea Hilary Clinton had such a rough childhood."

"Why do we have to sit at red lights if nobody's coming the other way? We don't have to pay our taxes if nobody's checking, right?"