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Joke of the Day

"If I'm ever in a coma, don't try to wake me. I'm doing what I love."

"Marvel is making a ""Winter Soldier"" standalone film and I get to play his roly poly sidekick. They call me...the ""Summer Sausage"""

"Why did the owl owl ? Because the woodpecker would peck 'er !"

"Did you hear about the campers with explosive diarrhea? That shi* was intense."

"Failed Hallmark card: I'm sorry I stabbed you with a fork when you leaned in to kiss me. I thought you were going to take my taco."

"There is an existential horror upon seeing your password in handwriting."

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itselfnnANDnnWhen a women asks if you notice anything different"

"Your posts make me wish I couldn't read."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

"What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? I've never made a vitamin..."