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Joke of the Day

"Having Justin Bieber sing at your funeral so your death will be the second worst thing happening to your friends that day."

"What did the fat simpleton say to the psychic cripple? ""Hodor."" Edit: And this is dirty how?"

"Once upon a time, I used to worry that people would think I'm weird. These days I'm genuinely surprised when they don't. "

"I have a friend visiting from out of town. What's your fave place in LA to look at your phone??"

"What do you call a bee that gets engaged? A Beyonce."

"What do you call homosexual dinosaurs? What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotapuss. What do you call a gay dinosaur? A megasoreass."

"Getting real sick of all the Dragon Ball Z references... Just Saiyan..."

"At the funeral home How do you want your mother-in-law buried or cremated? Hmm No risk do both."

"What do you call a Vulcan philosopher who only responds in questions? Spocrates."

"I think my life is a Saturday Night Live sketch. It began with promise, but now it's going nowhere and the last half sucks."