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Joke of the Day

"my Doctor told me i have to stop masturbating... ...because he cant concentrate i heard this a few years ago its probably been posted before but its pretty funny so enjoy :)"

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"Life hack: McDonald's will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order]"
"[Whole Foods] ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what? ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods?"
"""Whats the deal with all this airline food?"" -Sharks in Malaysia"
"The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar... It was tense."
"[driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD"
"What is a neckbeard's favorite fish? M'ahi"
"My dad is stupid. He thinks a fjord is a Norwegian motor car."
"I thought I might try my hand at telling a German sausage joke I mean, what's the wurst that could happen?"
"Why did Helen Keller stop cleaning her dishes? She was running out of things to read."