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Joke of the Day
"Waiter: Can I get you something to drink? Me: just cheese dip Waiter: .... Me: With a straw please"
Next Joke
"Why don't spies meet at bars. The beer is tapped. (Please develop this joke. I made it up last night whilst drinking, but nobody laughed.)"
"[having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!"
"The fact that Mitt Romney opted to see Twilight instead of Lincoln this weekend probably sums up what his presidency would've been like."
"Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, ""I need your weight not your phone number."""
"How do you know when the hole you're digging is big enough? When the (w)hole job's done."
"War does not determine who is right only who is left."
"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."
"Twitter: something to read when people are talking to you."
"If you want to hide your face, go out naked."