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Joke of the Day

"[flirting w/girl at bar] And that's why [takes sip from elephant sippy cup] I always use a sippy cup [lid falls off and spills juice on me]"

"Opinions are like assholes... I'd rather not hear yours."

"""How much for the supermodel?"" *winks seductively ""Ma'am, that's a mirror and you appear to be having a stroke."""

"What do they call mosquitoes in Pakistan? Churchitoes"

"I hear they're making a new 50 euro note on grease proof paper"

"Forget about sexy, I am bringing good manners back!"

"turns out Xenophobia is not 'A fear of Warrior Princesses'"

"Meet George Jetson His Boy Elroy Daughter Judy Jane his wife Just kidding, obviously. I'll send the real lyrics tomorrow. Do not use these."

"What did the black kid get for christmas? Your bike."

"Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it."