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Joke of the Day

"It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard."

"From now on when skinny girls say they're fat I'm just gonna be like, ""Yup"" & walk away."

"Did you know that Diarrhea can kill you? Even if you only drink a little bit."

"What does Matt Damon call thrift shopping? Goodwill Hunting."

"Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall."

"Why the fuck do babies enjoy being thrown in the air? How terrifying would it be if a giant repeatedly tossed you above their head?"

"What do Ken Jennings and OJ Simpson have in common? they both killed at double jeopardy!"

"Did you hear about the beaver who went to the bar but forgot his wallet because he'd just shape-shifted from another water mammal? He says to the bartender ""I must've left it in my otter pants."""

"Dear iPhone, I have typed ""haha"" like a million times, but yet you continually give me ""haga"", ""hsha"", ""gaga"", ""hahss"", ""hahs"" I hate you"

"Why is a Mexican midget called 'a paragraph'? Because he's not a full ese."