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Joke of the Day

"If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die"

"maybe she's born with it, maybe it's compulsive engagement in pleasurable habits despite their negative consequences"

"Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing."

"[2 toads chillin'] Yo, we should start a rumor that if u lick us you'll get high. ""Whaaaat, that's genius."" We gon' get mad licked, son."

"My mother-in-law said that we should stay an extra day if it's too snowy to drive. SOMEONE LEND ME A SALT TRUCK."

"Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand."

"I've been thinking about manufacturing and selling landmines disguised as prayer mats... ...prophets would go through the roof!"

"Just got a nosebleed. Thank God my head isn't pregnant!"

"Free Pussy Riot!"

"""My microwave is broken"" -Abraham Lincoln"