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Joke of the Day

"What kind of educational background do you need to have to work at the gas station that directs teens to their deaths in a horror movie?"

"Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits! What you mean those square ones? Yes! The ones you put butter on? Yes! Oh You're Crackers!"

"I just flew back from Japan, and boy are my arms tired. I was masturbating to all the hentai I bought on the plane."

"I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you're mistaken ...its pronounced sexy."

"I would rather that you'd just paid some of my bills, but thanks for this combination rubik's cube/pepper grinder."

"Why do girls always walk around in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even."

"I dont have a ""college fund"" bc my youngest will most likely get a scholarship and my oldest thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls"

"I bought a fan today... It blows, man."

"""If something goes wrong, we'll just go to a blue DOS screen and dump out an indecipherable log of what happened"". This was a choice made."

"What Obama is doing right now Sitting in the oval office with iPhone headphones on watching Mr. Robot. His advisors knocking on his door. ""GO AWAY!"""