36721

Joke of the Day

"There should be an app that, in the event of your death, your phone will seek the nearest toilet & submerge itself, destroying all evidence"

"What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I don't cry when I cut up the hooker"

"You know what really grinds my gears? When I shift into third without using the clutch."

"Was driving with my dad the other day and he told me to get the map out of the glove box. Easy there Indiana Jones, I will just google it."

"Two atoms are talking: ""Help, somebody has stolen one of my electrons!"" ""Are you sure?"" ""Yes, I'm positive!"""

"Why did the baker's hands smell Because he kneaded a poo."

"Why didn't they let Voldermort play quidditch? ...because he'd always just Slytherin the grass."

"There is no reason to hit a woman! Lol, just kidding"

"BOY: ""Hi"" GIRL: ""I have a boyfriend"" BOY: ""I said Hi' not suck my d!ck"""

"My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, ""Big pee pee!"" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on."