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Joke of the Day

"6: Why are we at the vet? Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies? Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch"

"What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper"

"I told my girlfriend that I wanted to be cremated.. I then told my family that I had no specific burial requests, just make sure that they don't have me cremated, no matter what."

"I'm not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick."

"By fluke, I just learned I could pop the head off a Dora Explorer doll, drill a hole in her leg, fill her with water, and use her as a bong."

"Why didn't the fat duck have any friends? Because he was ostrich-sized."

"Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you've done? I hope you're happy."

"Why doesn't Hitler run a marathon? Because he can't finish a race."

"Why did Daniel LaRusso suffer from sexual frustration? He wouldn't whacks off"

"A man arrives home and was absolutely delighted when he saw that someone had stolen every single lamp from his house"