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Joke of the Day

"[Michael Bay directing] ""WE NEED A HOTTER CHICK"" Teacher: This is your son's 3rd grade play ""Oh right. I forgot. WE NEED BIGGER EXPLOSIONS"""

"Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team? Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S"

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Disappointment."

"I told this cashier she kinda looked like Lorde, and as I was walking out, heard the lady behind me assure her she did not look like Jesus."

"The freebie-jeebies That feeling you get when someone creepy buys you a drink without asking."

"To the person who just mass messaged me that heart felt ""Merry Christmas"" text, I thought you should know everyone says ""Thanks"". ..All 115 of them."

"Man walks into a bakery Says to the baker ""I'd like to buy a wasp please."" The baker says ""Sir, we don't sell wasps."" The man replies ""Well there's one in your shop window!"""

"One night a woman undressed in front of her husband... ""what turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"" Asked the wife The husband looked her up an down an said, ""your sense of humor."""

"A smart woman knows when to give up and walk away A southern woman has a shotgun and a shovel named give up and walk away"

"Why are gay people such good swimmers? because they are flambuoyant"