191403

Joke of the Day

"(Business) Mike: It's a sled. I call it the Mikesled. Bob: I have a better idea."

"What do you have when you got 6 road workers and 6 lesbians? 12 people who don't do dick."

"Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?"

"I wanna be the reason you get out of bed in the morning, even if it is to make sure the door is locked."

"I call bs on the Ninja Turtles having those ripped abs. No way you could do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me Ive tried."

"You know what they say about hand jobs and homosexuals... They come hand in hand"

"How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? One you'll see in a while, the other you'll see later. Credit to Mitch hedburg"

"Mirror mirror on the wall, can I call you Jim or something cuz I'm not saying mirror mirror on the wall every time. That's just ridiculous"

"What do the Irish hate more than potatoes? No potatoes."

"I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed."