190999

Joke of the Day

"Policeman: Why didn't you check your speedometer? Driver: It broke when I hit 100."

"I tried to jerk off with toothpaste last night... it hurt so I had to quit, but I can perform auto-fellatio, so at least I have fresh breath."

"Why were the police at the day care? Because some of the two-year-olds were resisting a rest."

"Bacon is like a woman it looks good it smells good it tastes good and it slowly kills men"

"I only learned Roman numerals so I can be damn sure which Rocky I'm about to watch."

"I'd like to buy a bed please. Certainly madam. Spring mattress? Oh no! I want to be able to use it all year."

"What did the nosey pepper do? It got jalepeno business!"

"Who said losing weight was difficult? ""Hello Blood Center? How much longer before I can donate another pint?"""

"A Jew walks by a penny"

"What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller"