190977

Joke of the Day

"Why am I not afraid of Michelle Obama banning soda pop? She said ""If you like your Dr. Pepper, you can keep your Dr. Pepper."""

"Where have you been all my life? Please go back there."

"I dreamed that midgets were trying to assassinate me, so I bought a bulletproof car. Since they were midgets, I bought a convertible."

"What's brown and sticky? My poster of Beyonce."

"The Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and be awarded eternal life"" John came fifth and was awarded a toaster"

"Christmas breakup: play Lexus commercial theme, when they run outside have all their crap packed for them on your driveway, lock the door."

"Your 'Chemistry' with your girlfriend is great if you remember her 'Periodic Table'."

"What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)"

"I just got fired from the calendar factory All I just did was take a day off..."

"TIL 78% of statistics are made up on the spot"