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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)"

"If at first you don't succeed.. .. skydiving probably isn't for you anyway."

"[millipede preschool] head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes..."

"What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut? Command Alt Right."

"I didn't sleep well last night so I made my coffee with redbull instead of water. I got half way to work before I realized I forgot my car."

"Whites are just like Asians, but with a cock"

"""What sins have you committed?"" Well... [20 minutes later] ... finally fit my whole fist up there. I shit you not. Father? *vomiting sound*"

"Two native-american boys are walking through a forest One spots a bug on the ground, points to it and says to the other, ""ew, squash it!"" The other says, ""no, i'm pretty sure it's a bug."""

"A man once called a pier the ugliest eyesore he'd ever seen, but was then never seen again. I guess you could say he diss-a-pier-ed."

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle His wife is already pregnant"