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Joke of the Day

"Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you."

"What did the butcher say the the angry customer? I'm sorry that we couldn't meat your needs. I came up with that myself about a year ago."

"My boyfriend is tall, strong, protective and flashes me regularly. Oh no wait. I'm thinking of a lighthouse again."

"*sneaks into sons room to scare him* *trips over skateboard* *steps on something squishy* *turns light on* *makes him clean his room*"

"New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth."

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

"Love is a game where you try to balance an increasingly unstable structure before it crashes down. No wait nvm those are Jenga instructions"

"Seems my bladder still thinks its hilarious to wait until I'm comfortable in bed before voicing it's need to pee."

"What do you call a bug that can't talk? A hoarse fly."

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven."