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Joke of the Day

"*sneaks into sons room to scare him* *trips over skateboard* *steps on something squishy* *turns light on* *makes him clean his room*"

"AROMATHERAPY CONNUDRUM: Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing?"

"My upstairs neighbor recently made a groundbreaking discovery... He can't fly"

"I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special."

"I received an envelope full of semen today The mail came"

"If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in front of you in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check."

"Yo momma's so dense, she got a job at NASA... ..bending light."

"The story of the upvote DAT SHAT be unin a gut tiiime we needsa usa deaa oopvote us a doonvote n all da boom world bee hap hap@#! Der viginia is a centurfuge of paap!@#$%^&*()_+"

"How do you call fish with no eyes fsh"

"70% of the Earth's surface is water. The other 30% is covered in advertisements for The Blacklist."