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Joke of the Day

"[God Creating Raccoons] God: make a panda but a trash panda, then give it a mask so that people would know it will kill them for their food"

"Me: I've had this for 3 weeks & I'm still single! HomeDepot Clerk: ma'am, a stud finder is for the beams in your wall Me: that was unclear"

"A suicide bomber goes to Las Vegas to try his luck at the slot machines.... ....he hit the jackpot, and now he's all over the place."

"I made eye contact with a British boy today and quietly asked ""Are you Harry Potter?"" and he and his Mother did NOT think it was funny."

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing. They're both stuck up cunts."

"Maybe you need a ladder to climb out of my business?"

"I carry a knife whenever I'm running late to work because that's what Counterstrike taught me: ""You always run faster with a knife""."

"He arrives mysteriously. Helps others, performs miracles, is betrayed, dies, is resurrected, and ascends into the heavens. - E.T. (1982) PG"

"I don't know much about math, but what did the acorn say when it grew up? ""Geometry!"""

"Just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. Will keep you posted."