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Joke of the Day

"Just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. Will keep you posted."

"The White House bar and restaurant, upon Trump's arrival, will reduce their beverage selections to just two choices: You can get a White Russian or an Orange Julius."

"Saw a new machine at the gym, but could only use it for 20mins before it made me sick It was great... it had M&M's, Skittles, you name it!"

"What is the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver passes a stop sign, the stoner waits for it to turn green."

"What did the psychiatrist say to the crazy naked guy wrapped in cellophane? Clearly, I can see your nuts."

"Have you ever had North Korean food? No? Neither have they."

"My superpower is turning food and drink into larger pants."

"A man stormed into my barbershop, claiming he'd gotten fleas from coming here... So I checked. Just as I suspected, it was all lice."

"*loses faith in humanity* ""this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships"""

"I'm doing well on my New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds I only have 15 more to go."